Comments on: DELIVERY 404 by Stephen M. Dare

By: matthew

matthew — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 18:33:00 +0000

Um……where to begin- Great story overall, way to much detail, i got lost in what the character was doing also, i noticed you went off subject several times, detailing what happend a while ago and causing me, not speaking for others, to lose track exactly what was going on. again im not discouraging or anything like that, merely hoping i can help, i have yet to upload onto the sight sadly im shy, gratsy on courage of doing that and great story id love to see ur comment back.

By: jfbranson

jfbranson — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 04:24:30 +0000

I got a little lost. Too many important details are buried in the scenery. Nice effort, though. Just remember that we’re not mind readers; slow down and focus on what is essential to the story.

By: Drew

Drew — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:59:25 +0000

Great attention to detail. I can clearly picture the setting. I grew up in Banner, if that means anything to you.

By: Andre

Andre — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:43:34 +0000

I liked how it built up and then really let go into the action filled end but it was overworked. The language was too hard to follow and you lost what characters were doing what. Was Rashid also Jackie? The details seemed lost in the detail. You are a good writer it’s just too much of a good thing. Tell us less about the tangles weeds and choking rot and red sunsets throwing long shadows and more about who the people are and where they came from.

By: freeza924

freeza924 — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 03:08:47 +0000

great detail. i loved it.

By: Joe Mc

Joe Mc — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:26:27 +0000

Good twist on the usual. Liked it!

By: Joe from Philly

Joe from Philly — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:14:56 +0000

WOW, what a great story. Great job building the tension, really had me on the edge of my seat.