Comments on: FINISHED DIARY IN AN UNFINISHED BASEMENT by Tom Hamilton

By: ScottB

ScottB — Sat, 22 May 2010 23:00:01 +0000

Speaking as a medic, she really wouldn’t be able to write that last entry. Assuming her spinal cord isn’t severed, which judging from the paraplegia it is. She’d both be in too much pain to write, and she’d likely bleed to death. If the round has gone through her front and then hit the spinal cord, it would do some serious internal damaged.

You see, NATO used 5.56 rounds which are designed to riccochet around the body, mind at this close range a through and through would be probable.

But yea, ignoring that I liked it. The baby was pretty mad which was a cool depature from the norm. The last entry didn’t neccesarily ruin it for me, but it did drag it down. Enjoyed it thoroughly though.

By: Marc

Marc — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 05:37:22 +0000

sry dude that just was sorta weird all that i wanted him in me and a toddler running around. Random story line to sry but if i was to rate this out of ten i would give it a 3

By: Citizen Zombie.

Citizen Zombie. — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:03:13 +0000

I was hoping someone would correct my grammatical mistake about lying and laying. Oh, well.

By: Citizen Zombie

Citizen Zombie — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:55:20 +0000

I didn’t mean to make a big deal with the broken neck question. I’m not a doctor and was just wondering. Thank you to everyone who provided biological insight; it certainly became clearer to me. Thank you also, to hijinxjeep for pointing out the rats.

Some other questions I had:

1. Was anyone else confused by the baby? At the first entry, presumably December 26th (the beginning of the story is undated, for some reason), the baby is found laying (not lying) on her back in the play pen… Magically, after being zombiefied, however she learns how to walk a week later. How did it take 5 days for the baby to turn, by the way?

2. I got the same impression as everyone else. I thought the character was a just a timid, perhaps effeminate man… I didn’t read her as a women until the encounter with the soldier.

3. If the story is as Noel suggests, a psychological glimpse into the life of a woman is “losing her grip on reality,” or as Crazy Dune suggests, “a metaphorical journal” (not sure how that’s supposed to work, either), Why does it take 5 page long journal entries to convince us that she is losing her marbles?

I DO respect the author for posting and sharing his work. I am a fan of anyone who tries something that most people won’t. I also support new and creative ideas. I just think that this piece of work seems rushed.

My advice would be to go back and study the Survival Guide/WWZ, and a few movies. You might also want to make a Venn Diagram or Plot Chart, so that you can see how you want your story to go… before you sit down to finish it.

Just an opinion.

By: Leto

Leto — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:51:30 +0000

The gender was fairly unclear to me for the most part. At parts I thought it was female due to the caring nature towards the baby, but the narrative voice for the most part came across as male. I was fully going along with it – accepting the crazy baby in the rafters antics as a slow descent into madness. I could feel the grip on sanity literally dripping away.
Then, you basically ruined it all by randomly confirming the gender with ‘D cup breasts’ and turning it into some cheesy and poorly played out fantasy moment.

All the good and possibility came crashing down. Cheap ending.

By: jfbranson

jfbranson — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 01:01:53 +0000

not bad.

By: Selnum

Selnum — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 13:02:42 +0000

I liked the story, though it was very unclear to me about a few things, like there seemed to be no direction in the plot, non-creative events, and narrator confusion. However, the description for the environment and perhaps the mind was very alluring and attractive.

I liked the story overall, but what captured me the most is what Noel, one of your comments had said. A completely different prespective, perhaps one you haven’t even thought about. But good job Noel!

By: Noel

Noel — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:18:02 +0000

The take I got from this was that the woman was was losing her grip on reality from having to face zombies like the hanging mother, got progressively worse from being trapped in a basement with no hope of escape and no provisions for siege survival, and finally went over the top when the baby she was trying to save died and turned. She could write the last entry because she wasn’t paralyzed. There was no rat-queen infant, no elephant, no army invasion, no handsome soldier groping her, no paralyzing shot. It was the disjointed delusions of a madwoman.

If you look at it from that perspective, you can actually feel her losing her grip and coming more apart at the seams with each new day. More than like she either convinced herself that she was paralyzed in the end and laid there until she starved or the zombies got in, or else she tried to break out and that was that.

In that regard, I thought it was a very impressive (and sad) story.

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:39:11 +0000

Honestly, I thought that this character might be a woman. I felt character was just naturally caring with regard to the baby. That said, I thought that this story while good, was all over the place. Not sure what the deal was with the baby. Was it a zombie, a supernatural thing. It was unclear to me.